Q #2: 3 Practical Questions

*This is Part 2 of a 3 part series. Part 1 is here: Q #1: 3 Practical Questions*


Q #2: What Is My Pain?

Dave Gibbons in his book: The Monkey and the Fish asks this question of himself, his church leadership and his ministry second. He illustrates that the world has turmoil, hard times and the "prosperity gospel" isn't where it's at. He asks himself the question "what is my pain" so he can use the pain from within his own life as a tool to connecting across cultural, racial and gender lines.

It is no secret that teens today have pain. The world we live in is fallen and depraved. Teens question (especially in their upper grade level years) how there can be so much pain and a Good God all at the same time. On more than one occasion I have been stopped with this very question as well as others similar to it all pointing to the same idea: "why is there pain?"

Divorce.

Murder.

Theft.

Rape.

Suicide.

Injustice.

Racism.

All pieces to a painful puzzle that teenagers deal with on a daily basis.

How do we as Youth Pastors respond? Do we give pat answers to real struggles? Sadly, I know I have. Do we brush off pain as something that happens "in a fallen world" and leave a teenager who doesn't even understand theologically what that means with just that to bank on? Again, I know I have.

This idea of where is my pain is a GREAT one for Youth Pastors to grab onto. It opens the doors of authentic ministry. It shows the teens that we too struggle with pain, have struggled with pain and will continue to do so. It shows a life that has been transformed through pain rather than simple words that explain away pain. It is living, incarnate ministry rather than "preachy, teachy" ministry.

It causes us to preach our failures, our hurts and our struggles rather than our successes, feel good moments and triumphs. Teenagers today don't want to hear all about how good we are. They want to hear how we failed and if there is hope for them when they fail. They want to see and hear what our struggles are, where we fall short so they can know they are not alone.

Looking at myself for a second, I realize I have a lot of pain I've had to deal with. My life has not been a "walk in the park" as they say.

My parents were divorced. My dad tried to commit suicide right in front of me and my family. My sister walked away from God. My mom married a drunk who wet himself on our couch each night. My mom chose another drunk, this time a Jehovah's Witness over her own son. I was a loser in Jr. High and the list goes on. This is MY pain and it is universal. There are people of all sorts of backgrounds that have similar pain. It is cross-cultural when we connect to our pain and teach from it. We have a connection through our pain with people we'd otherwise be tempted to write off. We have a connection to teenagers whom otherwise wouldn't listen t a thing we said through our pain.

God can use our pain to TEACH His Truth.

Let me state something here, now that we are on the same page with our pain. Dave in his book, missed this point, but I think it is vital.

In order to teach from our pain, we have to be healed of it's sting.

What I mean by this is, the pain we teach from MUST have already been healed in our lives. If we teach about pain that is still residing within us AS PAIN which God has not yet touched, we will teach the pain through bitterness, rather than salvation. Pain taught and preached through bitterness will not produce salvation in our teens...it will reap a harvest of bitterness.

This doesn't mean the pain is no longer felt, but it does mean that the sting is gone. One can still mourn their parents divorce and be healed from the sting of the divorce.

In order to teach authentically, we must not be numb to the pain, but we must be inoculated with Christs' healing so it can no longer produce the evil Satan meant it to.

In this way, we connect out pain to the teens we teach, but we can also bring them through healing from that pain. If we haven't been healed yet, how can we help those who are also not yet healed?


We must connect with our pain in order to teach authentically to today's teen.