Authentic Youth Ministry

I was perusing some blogs today on Authenticity. I said in an earlier post that I would continue to discuss this important issue as it pertains to Youth Ministry and a blog caught my eye.

The little portion I will share with you comes from Tim Schraeder who is the communications director at Park Community Church. Here is the beginning of his blog:

"I just read a great article in Fast Company about the appeal and risks of authenticity and it really got me thinking.

Authenticity is derived from the Greek word authentikos, which literally means “real.”

Check this out: “Consumers are gravitating toward brands that they sense are true and genuine. Hunger for the authentic is all around us. You can see it in the way that millions are drawn to mission-driven products…”

Ok, note some keywords here: True. Genuine. Authentic. Mission-driven"

Reading Tim's blog confirmed in my mind that I am not the only one thinking about the importance of authenticity. I know I shared plenty of others who are thinking about it in my last post as well, however this need, desire and awareness seems to be growing.

In the book UnChristian,the authors share that a big turn off to people who don't know Jesus was the in-authenticity of Christians and the Church as a whole.

This study was made up mostly of younger people. It is extremely important that we take notice of this trend and try to bring back the authenticity that so defined the early church. They were real with each other. The had true fellowship. They confessed sins together. They received healing together. They prayed with one another. They opened their homes to each other.


Teens desire this type of community. A place of belonging. A place of intimacy. A place of honesty in a dishonest world. A place where they can be real, warts and all. A place where they can truly "work out their faith with fear and trembling".

Honestly, I feel it starts with us, the Youth Pastor and out team of leaders. We need to set the stage for this type of authenticity. We need to make it a vision for our Youth Group.

What are your thoughts?

I am going to give some ways in which God used my team and I [to begin] to create this type of group. We are by no means "there" but we've been implementing this type of community into our Sr. High ministry and have seen a TON of fruit. I desire to share my journey, so that we can learn together. Please come alongside me on this journey. Tell me what's right, what's wrong or what could work.

It's time for [Youth] Pastors to collaborate together!

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A Place for Apologetics in Emerging Culture?

I've been thinking a ton about the place of apologetics within the context of the Emerging Youth Culture. There is much debate about this topic in certain circles. Many who argue against apologetics say that the Emerging culture wants to hear about and encounter experiences, not scientific reasons for faith. This camp would also argue that the Emerging Culture doesn't hold to science as factual, so giving "scientific evidence" or even "factual arguments" won't help.


On the other hand, the crew for apologetics states that people are still asking questions. People still want to have "answers" to questions that aren't necessarily always experiential. Although there is less bank on the "factual" there is still hope and desire for the "actual".

When it comes to my personal Emerging-ness, I fall in the category of socially liberal, theologically conservative. This category for me, then would mean I fall into the "This culture needs apologetics" faction. However, I think it is more than a "black and white" issue.


We can most definitely should NOT frame apologetics today as we did 30, 20, 10 or even 5 years ago. It must be changed, re-thought, re-taught and all together RENEWED, if today's Emerging Gen. is going to embrace, understand or even use it.

What really sparked my thoughts/interest on this idea is a new book titled: Apologetics for a New Generation. If you are an Emerging [Youth] Pastor, this book is highly recommended.

Most of us, when we hear "apologetics" think of the crazy guy we met at summer camp, or a missions trip who had a WWJD bracelet, Christian T-shirt and a HUGE Bible in his hands who told us to "go out on the streets and convert people for Jeeeesus using this here Bible".

That is NOT what I'm talking about. This is the apologetic I'm talking about:

1 Peter 3:15-16 (New International Version)

But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander.

Dan Kimball a GREAT Emerging thinker contributed to the book I mentioned: Apologetics For A New Generation. His chapter, which is chapter 1 frames the point and premise of the whole book. First off is within this passage (which is the apologists main text), Dan asks a good question right off the bat. It is basically this: "Who would ask you to give a reason for the hope you have?". Would people randomly off the street? NOPE. Would close friends, who've noticed your life is different and want to know why? YEP. He unpacks it from the get-go as a relational normalcy. If we are in close relationships with (dare I say it?) non-Christians...this questioning will be NATURAL.

How often did you learn that one? People asking about God, natural? Here, Dan I think hits a soft-spot of apologetic teaching...you should be living a life that gets people to ask you questions...not forcing random people to dialogue about faith who have no relationship with you.

He's saying that the Bible says that these people will know you enough, see your life enough that they have to ask you questions.

Then, it admonishes us to have an answer.

I will continue with this train of thought. Please chew on it, mull it over and write a comment or two wrestling with these implications. Does apologetics have a place in Emerging Culture? If so, where, how, why?

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Conquer the Devil...Like I Did!

Something I've read a lot about, but more importantly have experienced is the need for Authenticity.

If you read my past post on Authenticity (HERE) you'll see how important this issue is to me as a person and as a Youth Pastor.

The old way of doing "preaching" ministry was to not be open, not be real and not be transparent because (it was believed) your people wouldn't listen to you anymore because you were also a sinner... like them.

Most [Youth] Pastors were (and are) trained to look perfect, act perfect and to share stories of TRIUMPH when sharing anything personal (which was in and of itself not encouraged). This way, the people listening to your sermons could have hope that they too can "Conquer The Devil like YOU did".

This train of thought leads people to see a perfect man in you their preacher. It also leads us [the preachers] to think we've got it all together. It takes us down a road of spiritual superiority, spiritual arrogance and in the end spiritual death.

Teens today DON'T WANT TO HEAR how you conquered your sins. They want to hear how you failed, like they do and how GOD helped you out. Teens today are sick of the Spiritual Snobbery that comes with Christianity. Teens today need to learn from hearing about experience...NOT book learned ideals. They want the real, raw, authentic YOU!

A friend of mine, Dan Haugh gets it. He recently wrote a blog post entitled: The Real You? Battling Phone Booth Identities where he deals with this in a deep, thought provoking way.

I've been talking about this for about 2 years as well, right along side of Dan. Other people like Dan Kimball, Mark Driscoll, Mark Oestreicher and David Kinnaman have gone to great lengths to discuss the importance of AUTHENTICITY within this new generations context.

In fact, it was David Kinnaman's extensive research within his book UnChristian that opened my mind to the absolute necessity of authenticity for Youth Ministry today. That book challenged every thing I ever did with a lens of authenticity and caused me to re-arrange how I did Ministry altogether.

This is a key piece to connecting to the coming generations. No longer can we hope they will listen to what we have to say because of our "title". That right needs to be earned and can only be earned through being transparent.

I'm not talking here about "full disclosure". No one would do that, even for the sake of authenticity. I am however admonishing all of us as Youth Pastors to live authentically, minister authentically and share failures of self.


Anyone who works with Youth knows that a teen can smell a fake person from miles away. It smells to them an aromatic STENCH, that they desire to steer clear from.

And, as my friend Dan has accurately stated, it's not just about how you preach, but how you live your life as well. If we are calling our teens to live a resurrected life, being one with Jesus in his resurrection, should we not be leading by example? Albeit a stumbling, bumbling example, for we are all stumbling, bumbling fools when it comes to this life. Should we not be seeking to live the deeper life?

Dan definitely asks some good questions whilst referring to how we then live. He gets introspective and very open about who he is, what he struggles with and how he believes God is leading him.

This is HEALTHY and definitely needed.

A similar type of idea surfaced to me, while thinking and writing this blog post. It comes from uber-blogger Carlos Whittaker. HERE he asks about relevance. Wandering if what we should be seeking after as ministers is relevance. He answers back:

"Do you’re community a favor and don’t ask how you can make your next series or concept relevant. Instead ask how you can make your members and staff relational and real."

Authenticity is relational. It is being real. It is making a conversation rather than teaching a lesson. It is creating a "second space", a place of belonging that teens so desperately need now-a-days! Teens don't want to be taught another lesson on what they shouldn't do, or should do they are tired of being "shoulded" on (thanks Brennan Manning). They are deeply desiring conversation. They want to work out their faith in authentic community.

This will be an ongoing post. Look out for more...

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Why a new Blog?

This new and 2nd blog of mine will deal specifically with Youth Ministry as I see, wrestle and deal with it within my Theology as an Emerging Youth Pastor.

Many things need to change within Youth Ministry and I for one hope to be a voice to help the change, rather than a voice of stagnant complacency.

We are few, but strong as Emerging Youth Pastors. We are also a growing breed as new manifestos are written. New conferences spoken about and new classes taught at Universities and Colleges alike. People are realizing that the way Youth Ministry has "always been done" is no longer a working model.

We must adapt, shift and move with this change and here (Emerging Youth Pastor) is where I desire to display how I am shifting and moving within it.

I will hit many bumps, receive many bruises, but I hope to authentically display how I am dealing with this new dichotomy of movement. I have another blog, which is my personal blog. Some ideas and post will definitely overlap, but this blog is only about Youth Ministry from here on out. I have imported my other blog posts, because some are very relevant to this blog, others not so much...However, I didn't want to start out with another "blank" slated blog.

Please stay tuned with me as I transparently share my journey as an Emerging Youth Pastor!

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Heart Novacaine

I'm thinking a lot about Novocaine today because I just recently got a root canal. This was my fourth root canal...I know stupid for a 24 year old. "It is what it is" a friend of mine is now known as quoting and that's what I have to say about my 4 root canals.

I know most of us know what Novocaine is and does, but just to refresh your memory, Novocaine is a a shot that is used to numb a specific spot within the mouth. The place where the dentist will do surgery is where he puts the Novocaine. Simple math. Let me say that I praise God for that little drug today because having someone drill into your teeth and pluck out a nerve without it would be completely unbearable!

Thinking about Novocaine, oddly enough has caused me to think of the deeper things in life. Mainly the things of the heart. Along this vain of thinking, I came to a very interesting question that I had to blog about. I asked myself this question: Do we sometimes use Novocaine by injecting it into our hearts to numb the pains of life?

Do we try to use things in life to numb spots of severe pain? I think we definitely do. Different folks use different types of Novocaine, but we all use it to numb our hearts from life.

Some people use drugs, some people use alcohol, others use their jobs, their relationships, books, TV or movies. We attempt to numb ourselves from the pains, hurts and aches of the heart by simply inoculating ourselves with Novocaine. We numb the spot of pain and move on.

The end result of only using Novocaine to numb the pain is a heart full of decay, that only gets worse. Just like as in a tooth, if you don't allow the Dentist to clear out the decay and give you a new tooth (or a crown), it will rot. So too your heart will rot if you don't allow the Great Physician to clear out the decay in it.


I will not downplay how much our hearts can hurt. For in life, our hearts will take tons of abuse, see tons of horrific things and be wounded over and over again. The problem is, if we continue to simply numb out hearts, those pains will end up effecting the rest of the body, life and future.

Sadly, this rotting idea came at a BIG price for me. I ignored my tooth for a long time, numbing the pain with Ibuprofen for so long that it became infected. It was so infected my dentist said that before he can put a crown on, I needed to take 2,000 mg a of anti-biotics a DAY for a whole week!

I allowed my pain to be covered over and over again that it caused a HUGE infection. Also, funny as it may be, I had a fever of 101.2 because of the infection in my tooth! It effected my entire body, caused me to feel sicker than I could remember feeling in a long time. I was so sick, in interfered with my job. I couldn't teach Sunday School, I couldn't go to church because of a what started out as a simple tooth ache.

This same thing happens when we use Novocaine to simply cover the pain in our hearts.

This tooth problem I got myself into has given me tons to think about, tons to put into perspective and a lot to change. I don't want to simply cover up my aches and pains with inoculation after inoculation of Novocaine...I want to allow God to eliminate the pain. Heal the heart, remove the decay in my heart, clean my heart and make it new and whole.

It's funny how deep thoughts can come through dentist visits. Take a moment and inspect your own heart...have you been using Novocaine?

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The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived

In The Greatest Man Who Ever Lived, Scott guides readers in a step-by-step application of the life-changing principles, skills, and methods that Jesus used throughout his earthly life. Although believers may spend a lifetime learning from Jesus’ teachings, it’s easy to overlook the powerful lessons demonstrated in His life. But when these incomparable lessons are learned and put to use, they enable ordinary people to achieve extraordinary success and happiness.

From Jesus’ earthly life readers will learn:

• How to break through the barriers that prevent them from achieving extraordinary success at work and relational success at home.
• How to experience a level of happiness and fulfillment that nothing the world offers can duplicate.
• How t o use adversity and opposition as a springboard for greater success.
• How to love others in a way that increases their love as well.

No matter what a person’s area of expertise and in what setting a person influences others, living by the principles of Jesus’ life on earth produces extraordinary success, unprecedented achievements, personal fulfillment, and blessings for others.

Author Bio:

Steven K. Scott is the best-selling author of The Richest Man Who Ever Lived, The Greatest Words Ever Spoken, and Mentored by a Millionaire. After failing in nine jobs, he started reading a chapter of Proverbs every day—and the wisdom of Scripture changed his life. Scott and his business partners have built more than a dozen multimillion-dollar companies from scratch, achieving billions of dollars in sales. He is the co-founder of Max International, Total Gym Fitness, and The American Telecast Corporation. He is a popular international speaker on the subjects of personal and professional achievement and the application of biblical wisdom to every area of life.

To Buy this book, check out this site: THE GREATEST MAN WHO EVER LIVED

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The Power of Sexual Temptation

Hope that title got your attention. Today, as I was getting ready my talk for the Jr. Highers on Sunday, I stumbled across this verse:

2 Samuel 23:39 "Uriah the Hittite: thirty-seven in all."

You may be thinking: "yea, so...what's this have to do with sexual temptation?" I answer: EVERYTHING!

Here's the big deal. Uriah in this verse is listed among David's Mighty Men. He was one of the guys who stood by David during the time where Saul hunted David down like a dog to be put down. These men risked their lives to hide David, protect David and one day see him King over all Israel. Uriah was one of those men. He was there when David cut a piece of Saul's robes when Saul was pooping (1 Samuel 24:3-7). Uriah saw David's heart BREAK for doing that little act. Uriah saw David spare Saul's life, saw David repent of his sins. Uriah followed after David who was a man after God's own heart.

Uriah was there alongside David in many battles. Uriah was there protecting the life of his King from evil after evil that sought to destroy him.

Uriah was also the husband to a gorgeous woman. That woman's name was Bathsheba. If Uriah had a vice it was that his wife was pleasing to the eye. David, when he should have been at war, looking at the battlefield was instead reclining at home, looking at one of his Mighty Men's wives.

Here's the whole scene: 2 Samuel 11:1-5
In the spring of the year, the time when kings go out to battle, David sent Joab, and his servants with him, and all Israel. And they ravaged the Ammonites and besieged Rabbah. But David remained at Jerusalem. It happened, late one afternoon, when David arose from his couch and was walking on the roof of the king's house, that he saw from the roof a woman bathing; and the woman was very beautiful. And David sent and inquired about the woman. And one said, “Is not this Bathsheba, the daughter of Eliam, the wife of Uriah the Hittite?” So David sent messengers and took her, and she came to him, and he lay with her. Now she had been purifying herself from her uncleanness.) Then she returned to her house. And the woman conceived, and she sent and told David, “I am pregnant.”

I think David knew who she was, when he asked. It was Uriah's house David! He would've known where his Mighty Men lived! We can see this in the response of the one who said: "Is not this Bathsheba...". A Modern day translation would be: "you seriously don't know David, isn't it Bathsheba?" David allowed sexual temptation to conquer him.

The power of this temptation was so great for David, that he would not only take another mans wife...but a man who was LOYAL to him. A Man who risked his LIFE for him and a man who was considered one of his Mighty Men!

Knowing that Uriah was one of David's Mighty Men has now changed this story for me forever! We as men must always be on our toes for this foe that is sexual temptation. David was in a place he shouldn't have been that opened the doors for this gross sin.

I hope this revelation has shocked you as much as it has me.

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Abundantly Blessed

Let me share with you some amazing things that God has been doing within our lives (mine and Hilary's).

God has shown Himself to be generous to be sure. Hilary and I were worried about the change in my insurance at the Church. The change wouldn't have been that drastic, unless we were definitely planing a visit to the hospital...which with a baby coming, we knew it was going to happen. With the insurance change, there would now be a charge of $500 in order to receive care. This got us worried, because going into the month of January, we had some credit card debt. Not ridiculous mind you, but nothing to sneeze at to be sure.

We were worried as to how all of this was going to be done: credit card bills paid off, regular bills paid off, plus this $500 which seemed to loom over our heads.

Well, God has allowed me to earn enough extra cash at Chili's to now have gotten rid of out debt! Not only that, but God put it on the heart of a blessed fellow believer at our church to give enough money to cover the Hospital fee, plus some!

We will also now (thanks to the generous donation) have close to enough money saved up for when Hilary goes on maternity leave (she doesn't get paid leave), which with my job at Chili's shouldn't be hard at all to come up with!

I write this not to say that Hilary and I are amazing, but that God is amazing! We literally had NO clue where the money was going to come from...but God provided! If you are in a similar situation, may our little story of the past few months encourage you to trust God and know he will provide your every need. In times of financial turmoil like the ones we are facing, it isn't easy. Hilary and I were not the "face of calm" when it came to our financial struggles. Just know that the God of this universe, the one, Triune God is BIGGER than finances, bigger than America's stock-market and a whole lot more reliable than both!

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Vintage Church By Mark Driscoll

I know I've been plugging a ton of books recently, but I had to write a blog on this book. I couldn't help myself.

I've been following Mark Driscoll now for about a year. I've been reading his books, listening to his sermons and have enjoyed all of it. He can be crass, but his brain is deeply theological as well as practical. He delves into ideas and scriptures and comes out with some great stuff. This book Vintage Church is part of that great stuff.

There are so many things I could write about, but I will do my best to be brief.

One of my favorite chapters is Chapter 4, where he asks the question: "Why is Preaching Important?" This chapter really made me delve into scriptures and ideologies of preaching I never tapped or questioned before. It also helped me see why Preaching truly is important and helped me with my talk on Prophesy last Sunday. It made me think deeper about why preaching is important, how it originated and why we continue to do so today. I was reading this chapter whilst writing some of my ordination papers and it sparked a writing blitz inside of me that caused my Ordination papers to be that much better. God used this chapter to again confirm what I'm gifted in. At one point in the chapter Mark says something to the effect of: "I know that only the preachers are reading from this point on, because all the other people have moved on". I was like...yeah, I am a preacher and yea, this stuff is cool!

I'm sorry, call me a geek, a Bible nerd, or what have you but this book was a PAGE turner for me. I was talking about it, teaching from it and going to the Word of God to confirm it. Mark helped bring some questions to light some Ecclesiastical thoughts that I would never have thought about. Questions like: How do we use technology in the Church? What is a multi-site Church and what is it's purpose? And a lot more that I won't mention for the sake of brevity.

I really enjoyed this book, just like enjoyed Vintage Jesus. I don't know what it is about Driscoll, but I really resonate and connect with him as a fellow pastor. I share his passion for the Church, Jesus, the Gospel and for the Mission of the Church.

If you want to go deep with why Church is what it is and what can we do today with the Church...this is a book to read for sure. If you don't want to know anything about the Church, don't waste your time.

I would encourage anyone who is a Pastor, will be a Pastor or was a Pastor to read this book...it truly is a good, deep and practical book.

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Youth Ministry 3.0 (Post 3)

*To fully comprehend what's going on within this post, I suggest you read: Youth Ministry 3.0 (Post 1) and Youth Ministry 3.0 (Post 2) *

As I've said in my last two posts: I loved this book, it's clear insight and it's candid view of where we are to go next.

I think one of the constant threads that is going around in not only Youth Ministry, but Ministry as a whole is that you can't use other people's programs, ideas and methods and expect what happened there to happen where you are. So know, that this isn't a book that says: "Hi, I'm Marko and I've done YM right...here's how you can copy me". Marko simply lays out where Youth Ministry has been, what has worked and what hasn't. Then Marko takes us to the present times within Youth Ministry and shares the same (what's working and what's not). The methods and ways of doing ministry will look different depending on where you are. However, the heart-beat of the needs that are within Youth and their culture will be the same. This book highlights those needs and sends the reader back into YM armed with that knowledge to pave his/her own path with the students God has blessed them with.

With that said, let me wrestle with this book one last time with you on a piece that caught my eye. It comes in Chapter 6 of the book on page 113-116. Marko entitled this portion: "Finally, Don't Be Driven".

Here's what he says: "Teenagers desperately want to experience passion, but they sure aren't interested in being driven! And youth workers who embrace a Youth Ministry 3.0 mindset and approach will stop being driven by job descriptions, measurements, buildings, time demands and Messiah complexes. Instead, we'll slow down enough, deconstruct enough to be fully present". (page 114)

It strikes me that when I worry about how many teens are there on a given night, I get depressed when attendance is low and excited when attendance is high. This is WRONG! I won't be fully present when I'm depressed about numbers. And honestly, I won't be fully present when attendance is average. Being passionate is saying: "even if I have one freakin kid show up, I'm going to be fully present and do what God asks me to do!"

This is especially hard for me right now. My job description changed from full time to part time. I had to switch my Youth Group times and the teens aren't showing up. I've allowed it to get me down from time to time. It's affected my lessons, my games and my attitude. I need to be PASSIONATE, not DRIVEN. Trust me when I say wrestling with this little book isn't easy. Trying to SHIFT your YM mindset is hard. However, if we are to succeed, it must be done. Does it have to be 100% what Marko says? No. BUT, he's on to something and if we as Youth Workers don't see the same train...it won't be easy to get on it later.

I appreciate the time, effort and wisdom that Marko poured into this book. I truly believe this is only the beginning of this discussion. Shifting will take time and effort. It will take humility and trust. It won't be answered and done with one book, or with one person. We must (as Marko humbly admits he needs too) collaborate, discuss and work through this together. We must be humble to accept correction and wise to give it. I hope we can all learn from one-another, connect with one-another. Giving no Youth Pastor, or Youth Worker "rock-star" status but being all on the same plain and same page, pushing forward in the name of Jesus so that His name can be Great and students can come to know Jesus as we do!

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Ordination Papers

I am officially done writing my Ordination Papers for the Christian and Missionary Alliance! It has been two years of reading, writing and filling out paper work. It has finally come down to just the tests. I probably shouldn't say "just the tests" because I am sure they are VERY hard. Yet I am happy it has come down to the final stretch after so much hard work.

I thought it would be cool to put my papers up online...so I did. I put all 6 papers in one big word document. It is the size of a very small book (60 pages), so if you want to know more about C&MA theology, how my brain works on the theology or just want to read something on Doctrine and theology, please feel free to download my papers! I placed them on my Church's website. Just click the link below, find the document titled "Ordination Papers", click it and your computer will begin downloading! That document is hours of my time, so Happy Reading!


GO HERE TO DOWNLOAD

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Christianity in Crisis!

Let me start this book review by saying: This book took me by surprise. I didn't expect what I got hit with. In fact, the seriousness of the situation that this book presents was truly unknown to me.

Hank Hanegraaff in this deep look into the "Faith Movement" opens up a can of worms most Christians ignore, or are unaware of. I think most level headed Evangelicals ignore people like Joel Osteen and his silly "Health and Wealth" gospel, but never know truly how heretical he and his groupies have gotten.

Hank opened my eyes in Christianity in Crisis to the teachings of people I just blew off. He exposes them as wolves among the flock and rightfully so. He gives quotes, not sound bites mind you, but long, written and spoken quotes of these "Faith Teachers" that truly show the heretical, mind boggling theology they preach.

Hank doesn't just end there, either. He takes each piece of "FLAWED" theology, unpacks it, rebukes it and gives the Christians reading it the means to stand against such heretical teaching. I was shocked at how much there truly was! Hank's book is well over 350 pages full of knowledge, combat skills and illumination. I've read some reviews calling Hank too "harsh" and "mean" however, the Bible tells us how to handle wolves...and it doesn't say to be "nice" to them!

I can tell you that if you read this book, your eyes will be open to stuff you never saw before about such preachers as: Benny Hin, Joel Osteen, Joyce Meyer and TD Jakes to name a few. God will use this books to remind us that it is God (not words) that are all powerful. You can't speak your future into existence...only God can create it! We must rely on God, not our "Words of Faith" to get us through life.

This book is a strong theological push against false teaching. I think it is well worth the time and effort to read and understand!

TO PURCHASE GO HERE

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Sex and the Bachelor

I had WAY too much caffeine tonight and can't sleep. It's 1:53am and my mind is racing. I'm still stuck on tonight's "The Bachelor" show. **WARNING contains spoilers**

I only started watching the show a couple of weeks ago with my wife and her friends. They all get together at our house and watched the show together. I started working at Chili's instead of hanging with my guy friends...I'd get home after work to them watching the show, thus I was hooked into watching (that was my way of admitting I watched the show whilst still remaining MANLY)

When I started watching the show, it became clear to me that one young lady stuck out above the rest, especially to Jason (who is the Bachelor). That girl was Melissa. Jason was obviously digging her the WHOLE time...I mean it was blatantly obvious. As a man who has fallen for a girl, I just knew the way he looked at her was "the look". My wife and all her friends also saw it and we knew that he would propose to Melissa, which he did.

However, the other girl he denied, Molly was a sneaky woman. On the last date they had together, she gave him some hot sex. Melissa I'm sure had sex with Jason as well, but Molly turned the heat on...which made Jason stuck. Do I choose the hot sex over my heart? He chose his heart...for a time.

The Rose after viewing showed him changing his mind and asking Molly to forgive him and get back with him...which she stupidly does. The woman were stunned, shocked and depressed. I immediately saw the issue...even if Jason won't admit it. It was the SEX factor. He missed the WILD Molly.

Sex before marriage makes comparisons. We men lean towards our penis rather than our hearts or our heads in a lot of ways. God designed sex to unify, not separate. If you have to gorgeous woman who have sex with you, one was wild, one was sensual...the typical male will choose wild over sensual. However, the one who was sensual was actually a better fit for your LIFE...which is what a wife is, a LIFE partner. Jason couldn't get Molly out of his head. He knew Melissa was the one, the right one for him...yet due to his "encounter" he couldn't stop comparing the two.

Jason chose his penis over his heart, head and son. God has such a beautiful plan for marriage, the world has such an ugly one. "Sleep around, find the right woman in bed" the world says. As if marriage were all about sex, as if the health of a marriage was solely determined by the amount and wildness of your sex life. As a married man let me...this is a MYTH! Is sex a big factor in marriage? Yes. Should it dictate how you treat, love and cherish? NO.

This world is so consumer driven. It's all about the quick buck (thus the economic crisis we brought upon ourselves). With that in mind, why wouldn't a man choose the best easy pleasure? Because within marriage for sex to go from "eh", to "good", to "great" to "THE BEST" takes real hard work.

I am sickened by Jason and his decision. He should be ASHAMED of himself. He didn't love Molly. If he did, he wouldn't have let her go! However, it is a testament to what happens when sex happens before marriage. Comparisons RUIN. Melissa would've never measured up (even if she did) because Jason's fantasy of Molly would always RUIN what he had with Melissa.

This is why I talk to teens about abstinence. Not because it's a "RULE" but because God designed it in such a way that done any other way it will be flawed. He made it, he would know how it works.

My rant is over. However, heed what God says about sex. The designer knows how it works. Sex can and will be amazing. God desires it to be amazing (just read Song of Solomon). It just takes time, love and hard work.


PLUS, when done right, the TRUE love of your life, the person who will ALWAYS be there for better or worse, richer or poorer will be the ultimate lover whom no one can compare to!

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