One such time, there was a young man I'll call 'D' and D for the whole year was getting kicked out youth group left and right. The teens were sick of him, my leaders were sick of him and I was starting to lose my cool with this young man. He literally made it through the whole night 10 out of 35 times. Finally I told him it had been enough and if he expects to come back to youth group, or do ANY of our church activities, he would have to bring in a parent and the three of us would have a sit down conversation about D's behavior.
Well, the very next day after I have this conversation, I get a phone call on my cell phone from D. He says he's going to bring his dad in so we can talk. I say fine, come in as soon as you can. What D didn't know is that I knew his living situation and D would be lucky to have his dad come around for McDonald's, much less a meeting with the pastor. This is a sad reality but a reality I was aware of in D's life.
Shortly after the call from D, I get a call from the same number: D's cell phone and it is D clearly trying to pretend to be an older man. D as the fake man says: "Yeah, I'm D's dad and I understand that D has been getting kicked out and stuff. I wish I could come to your office but I'm in East Liberty and can't get there." I tell D that he must come in. I must talk to him face to face. D confesses it was his voice (as if I didn't know) and admits that his dad is in E. Liberty and he will make sure he comes in.
About 9 minutes later (too soon to have been from E. Liberty) a man walks in with D. This guy is old enough to be D's father, but I knew right away that he wasn't. We walk into my office and sit down and discuss D and his actions (I played into this fake father thing). This grown man continuously tells me stories of D at home and how he interacts with him mom and such (clearly having NO idea about D nor his relationship with his mom, or even his living situation since dad didn't live with mom). I let him blabber on and lie to my face about being D's dad and how we should give D another chance.
Eventually the man leaves and I take D aside and say: "D, that isn't your daddy" and we called D's grandma to confirm and sure enough, that man wasn't D's Daddy!
The really odd thing is that this was a turning point in my relationship with D. He knew I cared enough to find out the truth. He saw that I knew his grandma (which he was unaware of prior to his stunt) and that I cared to know enough about him that he couldn't lie about his family situation.
Inner-city kids like D are clearly lost but just as clearly need someone who cares about them because very few people do. Teachers hate kids like D because he is so much work to control and so hard to get or keep on task. As we saw, in D's case, many inner-city fathers care very little about their children and their mothers in a lot of cases are working several jobs to make ends meet; which leaves very little time for their children.
Since last year, I've invested in D by letting him come early to shoot hoops with me on group nights. I've also warned him that I would contact Grandma if he was acting up (I could NEVER get a hold of his mother, so grandma seemed to work for him). Moments of time spent with D have proved my care of him and my love for him. These types of relationships are what these inner-city teens need and once they have something of this nature, they latch onto it and listen when you talk.
I hope to see D come to truly know Christ and decide to not just know about God but to know God and then live his life according to this knowing.
Cultivating this type of relationship was really hard, long and arduous but it paid off big time. This is the reality of inner-city ministry: it takes a long time to make a difference but once you get there it pays off.
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