Slippery Slopes

  In life, we all run unto slopes that are slippery; those slopes that trip us up and cause us to stumble and sometimes fall.

  The life of a Middle Schooler is no different, they too get caught on these slippery slopes of life and for them all too easily they fall and don’t even realize they slipped.

   This series looks at 6 common slopes that slip Middle Schoolers up: Trying to be something they are NOT, Giving into the fake culture hype, Temptation, The Company they keep, giving into the hype of sex, drugs and violence and lastly using their mouths.

  These are 6 common slopes kids slip and fall on. They are dissatisfied with life because it doesn’t look like TV, they want to fit in so they pretend to be something they aren’t, their friends are bad influences on them, they can’t handle (or even notice temptation), they believe sex, drug and violence are all part of a good life and they have no idea the power of their words.


   The hope is that at the end of this series they will be able to more easily navigate the slopes they find themselves on and rely on God; His Word and their Christian Community to help them find sure footing as they go down the slippery slopes of life.

  We've been running through this series for the past 6 weeks and desired to share this here with you all!  I heard an encouraging story lately of people using these lessons for their groups and desire to keep giving out these resources as we develope them here at ACAC.  Below are the links to download the stuff for this series!

Talk Sheets

PDF Questions

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Missions In Your Back Yard

 When I talk to my teens about service projects or missions projects they automatically think of somewhere else besides their own neighborhood.  When I mention sharing your faith or going out to proclaim the gospel, generally most picture themselves in a different city or country.

   I fear in many ways we have taken missions away from home and made it a thing we emphasize people do 'out there' rather than 'right here'.

  This then leads to churched teenagers, when asked if they desire to be a missionary to have a recoil and they say things like: "I don't want to live in the jungles" or "I don't think I could deal without clean running water".  This to me is a bit sad because Christ's "Last Words" if you will were for all of us to go and make disciples. 

He says in Matthew 28:18-20 "And Jesus came and said to them, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age."

  This is a calling that every person who has been saved by Christ has.  It's not a thing just for those who go overseas.  We are called to live Missions focused lives, we are called to spread the gospel with our very lives and we are called to serve.

  As Youth Pastors/leaders we need to be about both and in missions.  We need to be about the 'out there's' and the 'right here's' when it comes to missions.  Teens are so trained with sharing their faith 'out there' that they become inoculated and dumb when it comes to sharing their faith 'right here'.  That's a sad testament to what we have been teaching.

  The church at which I am a pastor is passionate about the both and of missions.  My denomination started as a missions movement, so over seas missions is in our blood...but the church I am a part of also loves the city its in: Pittsburgh, PA!  We are passionate about our community and realize it needs a ton of help.  This passion for our community has leaked into Student Ministries and has infected us with a passionate desire to promote both and missions to our teens.

  Just a couple of weeks ago we did a service project on our church campus and in the government housing across the street.  We picked up trash, hauled metal, threw away broken up dry-wall, planted flowers, fixed up a local field and planted grass all while the community watched.  Several people talked to our teens and asked what they were doing and why, they were encouraged to see young people caring for their community and we were inspired as well by their encouragement!

  Last Saturday our teens engaged in a community project called Pumpkin Fest.  In this event, we the church buy, make and distribute food.  We sell it at a low cost but we work our tails off getting it all ready and then serving it.  Our teens served over 1,400 people and had a joyful time doing it.  The cool thing about this event is that the WHOLE community sees our teens serving and smiling and handing out food.  They (the people in the community) get to work face-to-face with our teens and see that these kids are different.  Also, with the proceeds of the event the community gets half and the other half goes to our summer missions trips (which are to different places).  It serves the dual purpose of both and missions!

  We, during the year do several other community service days to remind our teens that when it comes to missions it can happen overseas, in the next city or in your own back yard!

  What are some other ways we can promote the both and missions?  How can we start making teens think globally but act locally?  The changes we make should change the DNA of our groups and the thinking of our teens.  Nothing is more powerful a witness to a community than teenagers working hard to make that community better for the Glory of Jesus.  It shocks the system of many people and encourages others to take notice and ask questions.

  How can we as Youth Pastors/Leaders step up and change the way we've done missions and become missional minded people?  Remember, the way this generation thinks about missions will be how they act as adults...so its more than the "now" we're effecting...we're effecting tomorrow too!

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Student Leadership- It's Important!

Youth Ministry has been going through a big identity crisis recently.

  I'll say it has less to do with "Youth Ministry" and more to do with "Youth Pastors".  We've all been watching the generations change and seeing that they need different stuff in order to connect with or even hear about the Gospel of Jesus.  In the past 10 years, there have been different approaches and several different ideas as to how to fix the growing angst against formalized youth groups.  Many approaches have been tested, weighed and found wanting (that's from A Knight's Tale BTW).  Youth Pastors have seemingly tried everything and found themselves still being ineffective or slightly effective at best.

  When it comes to the paradigm discussion, I feel like few have gotten it right, with the exception of a couple, like Mark Oestreicher in his book Youth Ministry 3.0, where he expounds upon the shifts in youth ministry and why the older models are failing.  To see my 3-part review of this book go here: Youthmaster-Mark Oestreicher. 

  However, a new thing, which isn't really a new thing is coming into view for more and more youth pastors: Student Leadership is what should drive the ministry.  Part of the old model (Youth Ministry 2.0) as Marko calls it; is this myth that it's all about the youth pastor. 

"He's the one being paid, so he must do all the work." Is a myth that many of us have bought into which has been perpetuated to us from our: Senior Pastor, our parents, our church board and sometimes from our leaders.  When we follow along with this type of ministry it gets dangerous.  We begin to burn out, we begin to offend our leaders and worst of all, we begin to push teens away.

  We must insist on Student Leadership, they must OWN the ministry they are part of so it can stop being a show for them and begin to be training for missional living.  The youth team I am a part of has started to really recognize this piece of youth ministry and has begun to make strides to put a lot of the ministry in the hands of our teens.

  I am blessed to have a Director who sees God's vision for our teens and is leading us down this path.  The idea of student leadership wasn't on my brain...I had fallen back into the Youth Ministry 2.0 model and made it all about what I could do, but he has re-directed my thinking and re-sold me on the need for student leadership.

  During this time of understanding student leadership and it's importance, I got an email from Leadertreks about student leadership which contained a free e-book written by Doug Franklin, President of LeaderTreks on Student Leadership.  The title is Student Leaders are Church Leaders. I have read this book and believe it to be a great manifesto for student leadership.  It provides reasons for student leadership and tools to begin handing the ministry over to them.

  Once teens own something, truly own it there is no telling how far they can make it go with the power of the Spirit of God within them.  I am excited to be able to offer the link to the FREE e-book, which is below.  I know the team I am a part of as well as myself personally will be wrestling with these principles laid forth in this book as well as the idea of Student Leadership in general...will you join me?  Because  Student Leadership- It's IMPORTANT!

http://leadertreks.org/studentleaders-churchleaders.html

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Implimenting Small Groups

  I may be a young guy but I’m not so young to think I’ve invented the small group idea. Nor do I think that what I’m going to say will shock you so much that you break down like a charismatic and start convulsing on the floor. I do think however it’s worthwhile to share what God has done recently in my world so that my story in turn may be a helpful one for you in your context.


In August I moved from a small church to a big church. My old Youth Group tapped out at 50 kids and now in my new position, I find myself in a Youth Group triple that size. In my old ministry, small groups were where it was at. We would take a group of teens and hash out the message and really work on it. It was a system that worked both for growth and outreach; it created a sense of ownership of the lesson/sermon (whatever you choose to call that thing where we talk up front to the teens) for the teens. It cultivated an atmosphere of authenticity and a wrestling I never experienced before with teenagers! This system was effective with Middle School and High School alike.

Shortly before I moved church positions I read a book by Marko (Mark Oestreicher) called Youth Ministry 3.0 in which he celebrates and encourages Youth Groups to “Grow Small”. The small group paradigm that we set up did just that because it forced people to be in more intimate groups; groups in which each person belonged and had something to bring to the group. Marko’s book inspired me to go into my new position “thinking small”, so you know what I did? I set up the same small group paradigm in my current (significantly larger) ministry that I had in my older (smaller) ministry.

When I brought the idea to my Ministry team, they said: “We’ve done that before. In fact we do it once a month.” My new leaders thought I was crazy to have our students (which are Urban teens) get into small groups and discuss the lesson/sermon. Most thought it wouldn’t work, many scoffed and said: “It’s gonna be bad” and others said: “We can try it, but let’s not be too hopeful.”

I felt compelled to jump in and do it. I developed the small group questions 12 weeks ahead of the talks, I worked hard and fast to push the students into the small groups. I encouraged our leaders, got approval from my ministry team and made a big change quickly.

Taking this plunge has paid off in many ways. I will be the first to admit that some of our teens still struggle to remain on topic and some honestly dip out of small groups altogether. However, I have seen some significant things happen during these small group times. These teens have discussed things that are going on deep inside of them that in the larger group could’ve never happened. Allowing this time also helped our leaders develop more meaningful relationships with the kids; they weren’t just there as police anymore (as they sometimes feel), they had a meaningful role in the shepherding of these teens…urban and suburban alike. The leaders began to see the importance of these small groups and have enjoyed discussing the lesson/sermon in more depth.

I am not saying: “Copy what I do” but I must agree with Marko that thinking small is where we need to start moving as Youth Pastors…this I have found is powerfully and effectively done through the small groups, both in a smaller church setting and now in a larger church setting.

For too long we youth pastors, (myself included) have been obsessed with numbers. We’re guilty of manipulating kids to help “grow the numbers”, yet we miss a gigantic part of our calling: Discipleship. When we worry about the numbers and “getting kids saved” we aren’t fulfilling discipleship, we are simply using our influence to make people come to Christ (which if we look deeper probably wasn’t a true conversion even though we count it in our numbers).

This isn’t to say that I’m against evangelism, because I’m all for it, we just need to then disciple these teens and we need to bring Jesus to them in such a way that it’s authentic and not fake. I feel that this is best done in the “small” rather than the “large”.

So, now how do you go about implementing small groups in your context? Here are some helping thoughts to get you on your way.

- Know your context- get to know how your kids interact best in smaller settings. Should you do small groups the night of the talk? Should you do them another night? Should you do lesson-based discussions or something different? These are all questions you need to answer first

- Ask good questions- Yes or No questions are no good. Time needs to be taken to craft thought provoking questions. If you design 5 questions and they’ve only gotten to answer 3, you’ve succeeded! If they breeze through the 5 questions and are picking their nose (or their neighbor’s nose) some work needs to be set aside in order to develop better questions.

- Think small- to quote Marko-“smaller is better.” Try to force smaller groups and not always stay large. Also concentrate on being small, not “growing larger”

- Train your leaders- This is where I need work. Our leaders need our help to guide them and show them how to be good question askers and good discussion guiders. This is on us to help them improve

- Be Ahead- in order to be effective with small groups they have to be done with intentionality. It’s easy for us to “wing it” especially when we are 1 of 3 leaders…but don’t sell this short! Take time to blueprint out your lessons 2, 4, maybe even 8 weeks in advance. Then you have good questions and your leaders know where they’re going!

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Getting Healthy Feedback

One of the words that gives me the heebie jeebies is the word “feedback”. Most of the time when we here that word it’s probably because someone wants to give us bad feedback. We all have those moments of feedback. They look something like this: you just experienced a great event that went off without a hitch save a small hiccup in the middle of it; a girl in your group got a little hurt. Bad stuff happens, right? Well, as is usually the case, the parent of the girl asks to come to your office later in the week so they can “offer you some constructive feedback”.


For most of my time in youth ministry these types of situations are all I attached to the paradoxical word: “feedback”. However, recently I’ve seen a whole new side of that word, and it has heavily changed my perspective.

We as a team decided we would start requesting people in our ministry to do survey’s after EVERY event as well as once a year for our normally scheduled programming. We used a simple online tool that allows you to set up a survey tailored specifically to the events and programming you’ve been putting on. People can anonymously fill out the survey and turn it back in to us with their feedback (we use Survey Monkey).

At the idea of this new means feedback I was full of fear and trembling (you know that “holy fear” kind of thing?), yet I saw that this may actually have some merit. In the time since we began doing these surveys, several amazing things have begun to pop up.

First, our leaders feel more appreciated, heard and respected. Surveys enable them to own a stake in what we put together, as well as an amazing opportunity to be honest about how they feel about certain things. It also provides us (from their perspective) great insight into what bombed, what was awesome and some possible ideas for what we can do next time we offer that particular event or program. Second, our parents (who hold a bigger stake in the Youth Ministry than do the leaders) also felt more involved, heard and better communicated with.

Another new insight that we found was that we have been able to see with much more clarity our strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats (a.k.a SWOT). We can see what we do well so we can continue to improve those things. We also see where we are weak so we can build up better teams of people around us where we are weak as well as grow in the areas we need to personally work on. We can also see the things in our environment that are opportunities we can take advantage of (or things we are already taking advantage of) and lastly we can see the things that threaten what we do (like poor communication, which has been a constant feedback for us).

God has used these insights to challenge and grow us in ways we never would have been without the feedback we’ve been receiving.

So, how to get healthy feedback is simply putting some questions on a survey and asking leaders and parents to take it? Yes and no. I think the most important part of this healthy feedback thing is humility and the willingness to learn.

One of my mentors Doug Bortner once told me that in order for me to be a great pastor, I would need to work on some things and get some counseling in certain areas of my life. At first when he said that, I was ticked off! I began thinking: “what will people think of me, a pastor who needed counseling? This feedback is not what I was looking for when I asked Doug: “how can I improve?” Yet, it was the feedback I needed at that time. For 24 hours I wrestled, toiled and struggled about his feedback. Thankfully, after much discussion and encouragement from family and friends, I decided to heed his advice and I am the better for it!

I think we fear feedback because we don’t want to change or don’t think we need to change, but the fact of the matter is we can always grow and change in that growth. Will this getting healthy feedback also gain us some un-wanted, un-loving, just plain wrong feedback? Yes, it will. However, we must take this risk.

Asking in advance for feedback is always a great way to go about seeking healthy feedback. When we ask for people to feed us insight they feel valued, honored and respected. It also says to them: “I know everything I do isn’t always amazing, help me become better for you and for these kids”.

If we look at the Bible, we see tons of stories laced throughout Scripture where people got some healthy feedback. Probably the most famous story is that of Jethro giving healthy feedback to Moses in Exodus 18. Jethro sees all that Moses is doing for the people and asks him why he doesn’t delegate some of those responsibilities to other people. Moses displays a teachable spirit when he accepts the feedback and uses it to better himself (Exodus 18:24).

To get healthy feedback, we first have to be willing to hear it. Next we have to seek out the feedback of those who hold stake in our ministries (i.e. parents, students, our Sr. pastor and our leaders). Finally we need to ask God for the humility to add some of the feedback to what we do; in other words we may need to change things, delegate things or improve things we weren’t previously inclined to change, delegate or improve.

Gaining this healthy feedback will make us better pastors and will allow us to not get stuck in ruts we ourselves create. May we be like Moses by being teachable, humble people who willingly accept and readily offer opportunities for feedback!

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Dealing with Conflict in Youth Ministry

Sometimes in ministry we have things that pop up and those things cause conflicts.  I for one HATE conflicts and sadly I try to avoid them as best I can...yet they still happen.

  How do we handle this tension, especially with parents?  How do we bring up things in the lives of their kids that we know they are completely ignorant of?

  This was a question I had early on in ministry, back when Myspace was new and Facebook was only for college students. Myspace was home to much teenage craziness much like Facebook has today.  However, with Myspace it seems there is more freedom to display ...body parts? more so than with Facebook and some of my teens took advantage of this "freedom".

  One such student was a young, beautiful girl who was also an elders daughter.  She displayed some body parts that should remain hidden and teased as if she were to reveal more.  When my wife showed me the pictures, I was shocked that a young lady from the home in which she came could in fact take this step.  I wrestled for days as to how I would approach it.  Finally I took the young lady aside and shared with her that these pictures were not sending the right picture as to who she is.

  She of course could care less what I had to say and asked why I was "creepin on her page and looking at them (the pics) anyways."  I said "You're a friend of mine on Myspace and I was just browsing through your profile when I came across those pictures."  I then asked her to take them down or I would speak to her father about the pictures.

  Sadly, she didn't heed my advice and conflict was in my near future.  How do you bring something like this up?  How do you deal with this type of conflict...especially with an elder and his child?

  Eventually I grew a pair and one Sunday went over to the elder and shared with him the situation.  He of course was shocked, appalled and disappointed in his daughter.  We set up a meeting for directly after church so he could see the pictures for himself and make a better judgment.  When I was talking with him  his daughter saw and knew what was up.  She raced home after church and deleted the worst of the pictures...which I feared would spark more conflict with her father.

  Once we got to my office, I opened up my computer and went to her Myspace page and sure enough, most of the raunchy photos were gone.  However, some were left that her father was definitely not happy about.  We discussed what may have brought these things about and how we can help his daughter through this process.

  We eventually teamed up to share with her that the message she is displaying is one of a sexual being, rather than a human being.  She was advertising herself as an open, easy sexual target and in the climate of the current culture, this was a dangerous ad to be putting up for sure.  In the end, I think the message sunk in and the young lady took it to heart and eventually realized I wasn't out to "ruin her life" but that I cared enough to speak up on a potentially dangerous situation.

  This story is one that always comes to mind when I hear the words: "Conflict in ministry" because it, for me was a difficult hurdle to jump over in my second year as a youth pastor.  It could've gone much worse, the elder could've been in denial and charged me as a pervert for looking at pictures.  The daughter could've deleted all of the photos and the elder could've called me a liar.  Many scenarios "could've happened" but by the grace of God, the right scenario is what happened.

  Conflict is hard to deal with.  Sometimes its off to the side and other times it is in your face.  My theory now is to simply do what God asks of me in every and all situations.  Even though it hindered my relationship with that young lady for a time, I would do it again because I care to much for her as a person.  I care much more for her Spiritual, emotional and physical well being than I do for our "friendship".

  I love what I do, but sometimes the conflicts get huge and overwhelming...it's then I turn to a youth pastor friend to lean on, get encouragement from and pray with. 

God has called us to this mission and we must be faithful to that calling, even through and in conflicts.  Lean on your support systems of friends and the Lord and He will guide you in all truth through His Holy Spirit (John 16:13).  Don't be afraid to face conflicts (speaking to myself here!) because its through conflicts that we and others grow...just make sure the Holy Spirit is in it...because if He's not...the wrong scenarios is 100% guaranteed to play out.

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Youth Leader 101

Some people have this weird idea that in order to be a youth leader you have to be this hip, cool, young, tattooed, earringed dude. 

Some people believe that in order to be a youth leader you need to always be "up on what's happening" or you have to be at least young enough not to have kids their age...because who wants a youth leader that can be my mom, right?

  These are all stupid misconceptions,and many people have a misconception as to what a youth leader is.  As many misconceptions as one can think of for "what it takes to be a youth leader" can also be thought up of for "what the role of a youth leader is".

  Some think that a youth leader is the kids best friend, someone who just chills with the teens and listens to their problems, but is to afraid to lead and guide them because they don't want to ruin the friendship...or stop being important to the teen.

  Some think that a youth leader is a bouncer who stands at the door waiting for the kids they know messes up to mess up so they can chuck em out the door at first sign of mis-behavior.

  Some think a youth leader is a person who shows up, comes to youth group and watches the kids have fun and they are simply a warm body who stands off to the side and watches the revelry of the kids.  This also is a good way to make oneself feel good about "giving their time to the youth".

  As previously stated, there are several misconceptions as to what a youth leader is and sadly we youth pastors should get the blame.  If we have any of the above youth leaders within our ministry, we have failed to train them and we have failed to guide them towards what it is God has them here for.  One cares for friendship over leadership, the other cares for discipline and justice over grace and mercy, and the last cares for good feelings over true depth of purpose.  These choices were made and no one above them tried to steer them onto a new path...a better path.

  I will be the first to admit I struggle with this as well...I need to train my leaders better and love on them more! 

So, with all of that said: what the heck is a Youth Leader?

  There are several things I could list but for me, this is a special person who has the ability to befriend and lead teens.  Someone who engages the teens on their ground even when it's awkward.  This person is someone who is sold out to Jesus Christ as well as the idea of making Jesus known.

  A Youth Leader is a person who desires to see teens come to know Jesus as well as grow in their faith.  This person has a desire to go deeper themselves with the Lord so they can then bring the teens deeper as well.

  This person prays for the teens they work with.  They play with the teens, they laugh with the teens, they worship with the teens.

  A Youth Leader is not a sideliner at youth events but a playmaker.  This doesn't mean I expect a leader to always play a sports game if they hate sports, nor always play an intellectual game if they prefer sports, but it means they engage. Youth Group is not meant as a social club for the adult leaders, but rather a place of ministering to the teens.

Again, these things need to be communicated from the Youth Pastor.

In one of my ministries, I didn't communicate well what I expected.  I was young and all of the leaders I had were my age or younger.  Week after Week, I had two of my youth leaders (one male, the other female) texting eachother during my talks.  After about 4 weeks of this, I was ticked and asked them why they would think that was cool.  They stated: "You never told us that we couldn't text during the talk."  I promptly told them to not do it again and to their credit they didn't.

  However, that experience taught me something: every expectation must be communicated.

  I've decided that I'm going to start doing a "Youth Leader 101" training...which I have never done, so that the above thoughts on what I think a youth leader are can be communicated.  I'm sure some will dispute my ideas of a Youth Leader and maybe they are a bit "strong" for a vounteer leader...but I feel in order to be effective in the life of a teen, these things must show up.

  If we are just their friends and are afraid to lead, we don't take them anywhere.  If we are a bouncer and only trying to get them to behave, we may say a lot of stuff, but it will fall on deaf ears.  If we go to make ourselves feel good, the only person we help is ourselves.  If we love teens but don't love Jesus, we take kids down the wrong path.

God can use ANYONE to be a Youth Leader, no matter your age, gender, ethnicity God can use you in the life of a teen.  The question is: are we willing to do all that is required to be effective...this goes for youth pastors too...are we willing?

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